that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
