Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
