Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
