I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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