She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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