this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
