I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
The struggles of a small town man whore
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
