i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
