There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
