those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
