i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
