he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
