Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
