Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
