you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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