I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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