With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
