nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
