I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
