Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
