I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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