ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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