how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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