I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
