Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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