Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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