The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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