Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
