After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
