i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
