During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
