your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
My life is pants optional.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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