you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
