I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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