I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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