Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
