its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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