Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
