I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
