Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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