your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Randomize
