Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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