After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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