I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
My pussy is not your playground.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
