do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
