No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
