Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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