My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
