my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
