sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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