Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
