end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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