It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
