It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
